i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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