I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
