You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
