Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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