i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
