look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
