Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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