I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
