he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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