FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
