I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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