I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
well you can't waste a boner
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
