If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i dont even know how to be here
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
