Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
