We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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