drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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