if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
