he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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