just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
