Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
