Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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