I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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