they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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