I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
