we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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