I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
cat food counts as protein by the way
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
