Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
