i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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