The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
