make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
