We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
