You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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