I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
