FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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