guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
4 words: hood of his car
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Randomize
