Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
