I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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