Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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