Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
