the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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