There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
