also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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