I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
