He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
