I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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