Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
