My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
