Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
