party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
