She said her name was "party"
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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