Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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