he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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