i think my tv is drunk
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
